Firsts and Lasts

I was talking with some woman about the death of loved ones and we all agreed that the firsts are the hardest.

The first holiday without them.

The first birthday without them.




I guess it is because we don't know how life will be without the person in our lives. Going through a year of first times at least helps us see that life is different but does not end or stop by any measure.

Life goes on.

What if it is your death you are going through?
What if you have been diagnosed with a life threatening disease?

Thinking about it this way, I find myself asking,

Is this the last time I will celebrate the holidays?
The last time I will celebrate my birthday?

The reality is it could be whether it is a life threatening disease or not.

What if I lived each day asking this question?
What will change?
How will my relationship with death, my own and of those I love be effected?

So today I begin to ask,
Is this,
the last time to stop at 7 eleven for my morning coffee?
the last time to feel the chill?
the last time I write?

What do you think?
Firsts or lasts?
What changes?

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