People Helping People

Be the change you want to see in yourself

2012-01-29T06:17:00.003-05:00

I am the current president of BMW Women's Inter-Active Network (WIN). We hold meetings 6 times a year and were fortunate to have our first guest speaker to kick off our third year.

BMW WIN had Kathy Caprino deliver a work life balance workshop on January 17th. I held a follow up meeting on January 28th. I went over the presentation and asked everyone to determine what work life balance means to them for our next meeting on February 28th where we will begin to create goals to create our vision.

What I hear is, management needs to .......

What I am teaching is that we create what we live. That we,the people who make up the corporation, have the power to design our work environment. And I am using my small team as the PROOF that it can be done. I am spear heading tele working, flex time. And I am trying so hard to LIVE the change I want to see, yesterday I left work at 2 PM. My team needs to see that, I need to do it. And when someone on my team said he is out of the office on Friday and Monday, I said good, you need that and please don't go online.

Why's am I sharing this? Because I just read this from Jan's book, see below, and it underscores for me that this message, this teaching, this living example I am trying to get across ~ EACH ONE OF US MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! Don't sit around waiting for your manager to give you the ok. Poke your manager with the ideas, with your vision and keep poking, gently, until he or she wakes up, becomes courageous enough to support you. It can be done.

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from Jan Phillip's book, No Ordinary Time;
My chiropractor's office was filled with worker's comp cases today."I don't understand why they are doing this to themselves", he confided to me. "they are over working, over stressing, taxing themselves beyond reason. It's like they are on some treadmill and don't know how to get off. They are waiting for someone to tell them to 'slow down', but corporate America is never going to say that to their workers. We have to start saying it to ourselves".
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Waiting for someone else is like holding our breath! Our life belongs to us. It is our responsibility to create the life we want. Finding out what we want is the hardest part. Kathy Caprino's book Breakdown, Breakthrough and her free career assessment are good starting points to find out what you want.
http://www.elliacommunications.com/ellia-store/

The Beauty of it

2011-12-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

The Book of Awakening

By Mark Nepo

If al I have is Now, where will I look for joy.

Without hope for the future, without hope that things will change, with no hope of finding what’s been lost, and no hope of restoring the past, with only the risk to crack open all that has hardened about me, what will I do with what I have?

At first, this might seen scary or sad, but as a tired swimmer comes ashore surprised to find pearls washing though his legs, I lift my tired head again and again to find all I need is right where I am.

But being human, I stray and dream of lives other than my own, and soon I am busy wanting something else, somewhere else, someone else; busy imagining something just out of reach to strive for.

It leads me to say if you are unhappy or in pain, nothing will remove these surfaces. But acceptance and a strong heart will crack them like a shell, exposing a softness that has always been, exposing a soft thing waiting to take form. It glows. I think it is the one spirit we all share.

· Center yourself, and with your eyes closed, imagine what you want.

· Breathe slowly, and with your eyes open realize what you have.

· Reverse the process. Close your eyes and realize what you have. Now breathe slowly and with you eyes open, imagine what you want.

· Keep doing this until what you want and what you have start to become the same thing.

Nowhere to go

2011-12-22T14:45:00.002-05:00

Nowhere to go

By Mark Nepo

There is nothing the do and nowhere to go.

Accepting this, we can do everything and go anywhere.

One of basic notions of Taoism is that the world in all its mystery and difficulty cannot be improved upon, only experienced. We are asked to believe that life in all its complexity and wonder is complete as is – ever changing and vital, but never perfectible.

I’ve come to understand that this doesn’t prevent our being involved. On the contrary, accepting that the world can do quite fine without us allows us to put down the burden of being corrective heroes (or defining/finding our purpose) and simply concentrate on absorbing the journey of being alive.

Thus, our work is not to eliminate or re-create anything. Rather, like human fish, we are asked to experience meaning in the life that moves through the gill that is our heart. Ultimately, we are small living things awakened in the stream, not gods who carve out the rivers. We cannot eliminate hunger, but we can feed each other. We cannot eliminate loneliness, but we can hold each other. We cannot eliminate pain, but we can live a life of compassion.

I only came upon these notions after experiencing them. Faced with dying, the opportunity to change the world was taken away. It was all I could do to survive being changed by the world. This sent me into a sudden depression, but soon I found what remained to be liberating. Stripped of causes and plans and things to strive for, I discovered that everything I could need or ask for is right here – in flawed abundance.

Since then, my efforts have turned from trying to outrun suffering to trying to express it, from trying to achieve joy to trying to discover it, and from trying to shape or better the lives around me to accepting love wherever I can find it.

Sugar in the tree

2011-12-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

Sugar in the tree

By Mark Nepo

As someone sitting beneath a tree can imagine the earth from above the trees, a heart encumbered by reality can know eternity.

As a boy, I spent many hours at the sea on a thirty-foot ketch my father had built. When the sea would get rough, I’d go below where the noise and motion of the deep would pound the hull and every toss and lurch would feel sudden and pointed.

Finding me there, my father told me how sailors, when feeling seasick, have always made their way on deck to look at the horizon. While that doesn’t prevent the pitch and drop of waves in the storm, it is somehow less upsetting if the larger context is kept in view.

I have kept this wisdom close to the when pitched in storm. In truth, whether facing cancer or riding the insecurity of repeated rejection or trying to surmount the most profound moments of loneliness, my greatest pains and fears have been lessened when I’ve managed to keep the largest sense of life before me like a horizon.

This is the difference between despair and faith, between the narrow point of doubt and a view long enough to sustain all life-giving possibility. It seems we suffer more when huddled below, and through the eternal perspective, the horizon of all time and all life, doesn’t remove us from our storms, it does make things bearable.

During the hardest times, keeping my eyes on the horizon has helped me endure such things as the loss of a rib, and a marriage, and a job I loved. For staying where we can keep God in view allows the ups and downs to be somewhat predictable. It even shows that suffering has its rhythm. Keeping the larger view can be the difference between thinking life is cruel and knowing that experience is a powerful ocean. In ways that truly matter, God is always in the horizon, and faith is making our way on deck despite our pain.

· Wherever you are- in your bedroom, at your desk, or on a bus – sit quietly and see yourself sitting there from above your bed or desk or the bus you are riding.

· Breathe slowly, and be both where you are and above where you are.

· Now feel the stress or pain of what you are carrying this instant.

· Breathe slowly, and try to see yourself in your life and from above your life, and feel both your pain and the Universe surrounding your pain.

· When you find yourself huddled in your pain, try to breathe your way to the horizon.

Pursue the Obstacles

2011-12-12T20:24:00.000-05:00

Pursue the Obstacle
By Mark Nepo

Pursue the obstacle. It will set you free.

When I came upon the mountain, I was in a hurry. I thought it would take too long to make my way around, so I set out to break a path through. Each rock and each branch felt like a waste of time. If only the mountain weren’t in the way. I cut my legs and arms as I rushed along. It grew harder to breathe, and I lost all sense of direction. Now I had to climb high enough to see.

Once I broke the treeline, something in me had to see the top. Then I hurried my way up, and strangely, as I worked the climb – step after step- I kept rising, but felt as though I was going nowhere. Finally, I broke the clouds. I had never seen sun on top of clouds. I sat in a clearing on a cliff, the light on top of my head, like a cloud. Suddenly, reaching the top or getting beyond the mountain no longer seemed important.

I liked it up here and felt that I could live on the mountain. But I had to return. I had to eat. I needed love. But now when someone asks about breaking through what’s the way or being in a hurry, I look both ways and say, “Pursue the obstacle. It will set you free.”

This story invites us to honor each obstacle as something flowing in its own right in the Universal stream, to see ourselves and the obstacle as two limbs of the same tree drifting in the same river, bumping into each other, and even blocking one another for a moment.

Looking at obstacles this way, we are asked not to oppose what blocks us as something mounting its will against our own. For the obstacle will simply give our resistance back to us. We are being asked not to empower or perpetuate the life of the obstacle, but to step aside if we can with openness to the energy of the obstacle- much like the ancient art of Aikido, where instead of blocking a punch, you help the punch move past you.

All the while we are invited to question that in us which insists that what is before us is an obstacle in the first place. It may not be so. It may be so. It may be something small that our history of struggle has enlarged into tragedy or bad luck.

So if we can, we must focus on our relationship to the stream and not the the things being carried alongside us. If something appears to be blocking our way, we must try to understand what is moving it and what is moving us. If our movement in the world is still blocked, perhaps we are meant to be still. We must try not to damage ourselves unnecessarily by trying to force a movement t happen before its time.

_________________________________________________________

What is an obstacle look or feel like to you?

I think of the tasks of daily life, work and those things that pop up out of no where! (Kevin’s car accident, Dad’s sudden decline)
Yet these things I find manageable because they are tangible.
The challenge for me is the emotional obstacles because they are unseen, sadness, depression and anxiety. I rush through my day not even noticing them. And I find this causes them to build up until either breakdown or illness strikes.

I am seeing that being with the emotional, not trying to brush it off or rush through it, sitting with the feelings and allowing them to live has helped in understanding myself and what I am experiencing at the time. Too many times I have rushed through life, hurry up! Now I say slow down. And in the words of a very wise friend, “default to do nothing.”

Preparing for the job interview - Understanding, Marrying and Convincing

2011-09-10T16:29:00.005-04:00

How to prepare:

Understand, Marry and Convince;

The interviewee prepares for the interview by understanding the skill set and experience the position requires. Next the interviewee must marry his/her experience and skill set to the position requirements. And lastly the interviewee must convince the hiring manager that they are the right fit for the position and the company.

Let’s dissect a job posting to see how to understand, marry and convince:

The job description tells the interviewee what experience and skill set is needed for the position. Refer to job description at end of this post. The first paragraph gives the interviewee an idea about the company’s work environment.

creativity and breakthrough ideas

we drive our growth and design excellence by staffing our teams with individuals who are innovative and always looking for the next great idea

If you share our vision and view yourself as an independent, creative thinker

A little further down in the job description are these words:

high-performance

What are you waiting for...jump into the driver's seat and apply- (I interpret this to mean having the ability to make decisions and not “sit on the fence”)

Based on this information, the interviewee should deliver in the interview; creativity, break through ideas, innovation, forward thinking (I interpret that from “looking for the next great idea”), independent creative thinking and convey that they are a high performer who can make decisions in the interview.

Not an easy task right?

The next paragraph and the qualifications describe the position and the skill, knowledge, experience and education the interviewee needs to be successful in the position. The interviewee needs to marry his/her experience, skill set knowledge and education with the position in the interview.

The convincing is done when the interviewers hear the interviewee speak about these key components in the interview. The interviewee can use past experience as a means to convey these components. The interviewee should show confidence, enthusiasm and passion in these areas.

Take a look at past experience and reframe how you speak about it to fit the key components in the job description. Ask someone to listen to how you speak about yourself to help fine tune it.

During the interview, listen to what the interviewer is saying about the position for an opportunity to tell the interviewer about your experience. One candidate, who got the job, told me how she reduced audit comments after I mentioned that audit results are a measure for team performance. She understood the importance of this part of the position and made it a point to highlight her experience in this area.

The Interview is a fluid interchange between interviewer and interviewee. Understanding, marrying and convincing gives the interviewee the basis for preparation, practice and successful delivery.

Creating a resume that marries your experience and skill set to the key components of the position will get you in the interview.

Convincing the interviewer in the interview that you possess and can deliver the key components gets you the job.

Interview preparation note:

Use visualization to prepare for the interview. Close your eyes and see yourself successfully acting and performing in the interview. Create a vivid picture in your imagination complete with all the details of how you will marry your knowledge and skills and convince the interviewee you are the right person for the position. Then, assume that being hired for this position is really possible. Picture yourself getting called with an offer for the position. Picture yourself signing the offer with the salary you want. Picture yourself celebrating.

Focus

2011-09-10T14:41:00.000-04:00

Many times we focus on the foreground, current situations or problems, of our life and miss the bigger picture that contains other options or possibilities. Uncovering this bigger picture will lead us to an easier way of living where we will find increased performance, focus, productivity and satisfaction.

What is the "big picture" for your life?

Quotes

2011-09-10T09:07:00.003-04:00

"Dreams become reality when they are mixed with determination, planning and action." Barbara Monahan

"We become generous when we live from love because we are open to share our blessings with those in need." Barbara Monahan

"Success occurs when preparation meets opportunity." Author Unknown

"The difference between what we do, and what we are capable of doing, would solve most of the world’s problems." Mahatma Gandhi

Butterfly

2011-08-31T21:21:00.000-04:00

She remains in her darkness.
Her focus on food and work is distraction from the real challenges.
And there are thoughts of how her body feels different.

What does it matter. Does anything matter?

Being with the darkness, feeling the not feeling, questioning, listening and discovery. Continuous churning among them.

She has no energy for it though. It is as though her being belongs to another. The power is out. The connection lost.

Darkness feels like an old warm blanket that keeps her safe. It enables her to be inactive and hidden from the life force that calls her forward. It is a cocoon she can easily call home and ask "not now, I need more time". Yet the unseen changes occur within. Changes that reconnect her to her being in a new way.
A new view and path for her to take flight.

Teachers are everywhere

2011-08-22T23:03:00.006-04:00

I received three teachers this past week.

One teacher in a conversation with a friend which set me up to be still by asking me to default to do nothing and to listen to the wisdom and messages in my emotions.

A second teacher in a card from a friend who reminded me of who I am at the core of my being and no matter what challenges I am facing this core will not change unless I give permission for the change.

The third teacher was a tree. My two friends tilled the soil of my heart so I could hear this third teacher.

There was a strong storm that blew through town and took down two large branches off two trees in our backyard. The branches skimmed the house and caused no damage. The next morning I took my friend’s advice and defaulted to doing nothing. I set my lounge chair under the large tree that lost a limb and listened.
I asked what it is like to be a tree.

The tree’s roots absorb water to feed the tree

The tree’s trunk supports the branches

The tree’s branches stretch the leaves toward the sun

The tree’s leaves supply nutrients

Singular purpose

The tree’s roots absorb water to feed the tree – drink water to feed my cells

The tree’s trunk supports the branches – strengthen body for those stormy days

The tree’s branches stretch the leaves toward the sun – stretch my body for flexibility

The tree’s leaves supply nutrients – eat nutritious food

My purpose

The next day I read this in Mark’s book.

All of us face challenges in life because this is the nature of the human experience.

Be brave, default to do nothing and listen to your teachers.
_________________________________________________________________________________

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

Teachers arise from somewhere within me that is beyond me, the way the dark soil that is not the root holds the root and feeds the flower.

So often we think of ourselves as freestanding and in charge, because we have the simple blessing of being able to go where we want. But we are as rooted as shrubs and trees and flowers, in an unseeable soil that is everywhere. It’s just that our roots move.

Certainly, we make our own decisions, dozens every day, but we are nourished in those decisions by the very ground we walk, by the quiet teachers we encounter everywhere. Yet in our pride and confusion, in our self-centeredness and fear, we often miss the teachers and feel burdened and alone.

In trying to hear those quiet teachers, I am reminded of the great poet Stanley Kunitz, who as a young man struggling darkly with how to proceed with his life, heard geese cross a night sky and somehow he knew what he had to do. Or how a man I know was slowly extinguishing himself, sorely depressed, when, finally exhausted of his endless considerations, he heard small birds in snow in unexpected song. He realized he was a musician who needed to find and learn the instrument he was supposed to play.

From the logic of being freestanding and in charge, experiences of this sort seem crazy-making and untrustworthy. But the soil of life on which we grow speaks a different language than we are taught in school. In actuality, through and love and the spirit of eternity are rarely foreseeable, and clarity of being seldom comes through words.

In my brief time on Earth, I have felt the light of the ageless spirit fill me unexpectedly when I thought I would die, and as water pumps its way up a slim root making that plant leaf out toward the light, I have found myself, against all fear and will, flushed with possibility in the direction of dreams I had hardly imagined.

Whether through birds in snow , or geese honking in the dark, or through the brilliant wet leaf that hits your face the moment you are questioning your worth, the quiet teachers are everywhere. When we think we are in charge, their lessons dissolve as accidents or coincidence. But when brave enough to listen, the glass that breaks across the room is offering us direction that can only be heard in the roots of how we feel and think.

Self awareness is a good hard look in the mirror.

2011-08-20T15:14:00.008-04:00

http://www.neighbors-helping-neighbors.com/www.neighbors-helping-neighbors.com/Home.html

Help where you can.

Job interviews can bring up a lot of emotions such as; fear, anxiety, worry, frustration, depression, happiness, excitement, enthusiasm, and encouragement. A close friend, who works in the field of emotional intelligence, told me that emotions hold wisdom and messages and it is important to feel and listen to what emotions can tell us about ourselves and our direction.

How do these emotions come across to the hiring manager?

How do these emotions affect our appearance and interview performance?

Companies have several people involved in the interview process (interviewers). The reason is to determine if the interviewee is the right fit for the position and the company. How the interviewee projects themselves to each interviewer will be factored into the decision process. The interviewers meet to discuss the interviewees after the interviews are complete. Being consistently enthusiastic, confident and qualified with your emotions and appearance at each interview will result in similar feedback from each interviewer and a unanimous decision can be made. The interviewers will discuss their interview experience in detail when there is dissimilar feedback in an effort to determine the real character and qualifications of the interviewee.

This is where a good hard look in the mirror can help the interviewee make a consistent first impression that lands the job.

Reflect on recent interviews and critic them honestly.

How were you dressed?

What was your smell?

What did your face and hair look like?

Was your smile bright and free from the day’s meals?

Did you make eye contact throughout the interview? (looking away reflects a lack of confidence and uncertainty)

What emotions were you feeling?

How did you carry your body?

The interview attire should always be professional which means a suit and clean shoes with no scuffs or holes. Jewelry should be conservative and be sure to cover any body tattoos/piercings. Be aware of how much perfume or cologne you use. Be sure your face and teeth are clean and your hair is conservative and neat.

Be aware of the emotions you are feeling before the interview. You can calm these emotions by visualizing the interview and seeing a positive performance. Pay attention to the emotions that arise during the interview and work through them by answering the interview questions honestly, authentically and with confidence. Don’t think in terms of right or wrong answers because your answers are always the right answers for your experience, skill set and job knowledge.

Practice before the interview by finding interview questions on the internet and answering them verbally and in writing. Answer the interview questions in writing to practice your hand writing and verbally to practice how you speak. Record your answers so you can hear yourself speak, listen as if you are the hiring manager. What would a hiring manager hear in your answers through tone and projection of voice? Is there enthusiasm and confidence throughout? Practice by videotaping a practice interview so you can see how you look to a hiring manager. Critic yourself honestly and make the appropriate adjustments.

Answer the interview questions with authentic enthusiasm, always look and feel your best and this will project you as the right fit for the position and the company.

Emotional Intelligence resources:

Emotional intelligence books by Author Daniel Goleman

http://www.6seconds.org/

The job interview is seen through the lens of the hiring manager.

2011-08-13T07:13:00.001-04:00

The job interview is seen through the lens of the hiring manager.

I started volunteering for Neighbors Helping Neighbors last week by attending a meeting at the Riveredge NJ library. The founder of the group John Fugazzie asked if I would write about my experience as a hiring manager. Here is the first reflection. The next will be about self awareness.
http://www.neighbors-helping-neighbors.com/

The purpose of the job interview is to determine if the interviewee is the right fit for the position and the company. And to determine if the company and position are the right fit for the interviewee. A great deal of time and energy is put into the hiring process for both the hiring manager and the interviewee which makes it extremely important to get the right fit the first time.

The hiring manager begins the interview with small talk to help the interviewee relax so the true character of the interviewee will come out. The interviewee should be authentic and project positive body language.

The hiring manager asks questions to determine if the interviewee has the experience and skill set to get the job done. The interviewee should be prepared to explain in detail everything written in their resume.

The hiring manager asks questions to bring out the interviewee’s interpersonal skills. The interviewee should answers these questions honestly and from experience because canned responses are a sign that the interviewee is responding to what they think the hiring manger wants to hear and not from actual experience.

These two avenues of questioning enable the hiring manager to make an informed decision.

The hiring manager is looking for someone who can do the work well and work well in the team.

Interpersonal skills are just as important as experience and skill set.

The hiring manger contemplates whether he/she and the team can work with the interviewee.

· What would it be like to work with the interviewee?

· Will the interviewee support the goals and objectives of the department?

· What value will the interviewee bring to the team?

· What new skill set or experience will the interviewee bring to the team?

· Is the interviewee qualified for the position?

· Will the interviewee be successful in the position?

A good and bad fit example:

A manger asks a temporary employee to complete a task in a certain way. The temporary employee does not like to do the task that way and gives the manager a hard time by complaining it will take a long time to complete the task. The task is not completed on time or in the way the manager requested. And this happens several times over the course of a week. What do you think the hiring manager did? The temporary employee was fired.

A manger asks a temporary employee to complete a task in a certain way. The temporary employee does not like to do the task that way but listens carefully and takes notes. The temporary employee completes the task on time and exactly the way the manager wanted it completed. The temporary employee also asks if he/she could try cutting a few steps to save time and come up with the same results. And this happens several times over the course of a week. What do you think the hiring manager did? The temporary employee was hired.

The hiring manger wants the interviewee to be like the second temporary employee after the interviewee is hired and will use the small talk and question/answer format to determine which temporary employee the interviewee is.

Authentically answering the questions with positive body language provides the hiring manager with what they need to ensure the interviewee is the right fit for the position and the company.

Suggested questions for the Interviewee to ask:

· About the position to determine if it is the work you really want to do.

· About the department’s goals and objectives to determine if you can add value.

· To determine if the hiring manger is a person you can work with.

· About the team. Ask if you can meet one or two team members you will be working with.

· What is the reason the position is open?

Ride the Waves!

2011-04-30T08:09:00.004-04:00

This year is the most challenging one of my life. In the past I would have challenges in work or in my personal life and they were manageable because I could see the good stuff happening around me and outside of the challenging event. And that good stuff gave me hope, courage and strength to move forward and come through brilliantly.

This year the challenge is in the seeing. Many times I feel stuck in the muck, like quick sand, struggling to see the light, the good stuff. I've come to realize that the good stuff is smaller and less noticeable which requires me to live more in the present, absorbing the moments of each day. Mark puts is in a really nice way and I sum him up by saying it is time to ride the waves! (life jackets are not provided) Enjoy!

Another good one from Mark Nepo:

One Constant Arrival from the Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

Whether drifting through life on a boat or climbing toward old age leading a horse, each day is a journey and the journey itself is home. ~ BASHO

Twelve years ago, as my journey through cancer was beginning, my grandmother was dying. I believe she knew she was dying. I could tell because when I'd visit her in Kingsbrook Medical Center in Brooklyn, she would sit in the edge of her bed and peer off into some distance she alone could see. She was ninety-four, and I had the feeling that she was imaging the other shore the way she did when she was ten, crossing the Atlantic on a crowded steamship that was trudging though the huge waves.

Life for her was one endless immigration, one constant arrival in a new land. Perhaps this is why I am a poet, because immigration is in my blood. Perhaps this is why I understand the world of experience as one vast ocean we never stop crossing, even at death.

I’m asking you to imagine the life of your spirit on earth as such immigration, as one constant arrival in a new land. Given this, we must accept that no matter the shore before us, the swell and toss on the sea never ends. When brought to the crest of any swell, we can see as far as eternity and the soul has its perspective, but when in the belly of those waves, we are each of us, for the moment, lost. The life of the soul in Earth has us bobbing on a raft of flesh in and out of view of eternity, and the work of the inner pilgrim is to keep eternity in our heart and mind’s eye when dropped in the belly of our days.

• Sit quietly and imaging yourself bobbing safely on the ocean of experience we never stop crossing.
• Breathe deeply and imaging each day is a wave
• Enter your own rhythms and feel what kind of wave today is
• If today is a belly of a day, acknowledge the hardships you are facing

• Breathe slowly and remember that another crest is coming. Bring to mind the last rising, remembering what that enable you to see

When death is an option

2011-03-26T10:21:00.003-04:00

Cancer is a fear monger. It appears when least expected and changes lives in unseen ways.

Warrior of Courage is a term that best describes a person diagnosed with cancer. The battle for life is an extensive challenge. The Warrior of Courage goes through test after test to determine the type of cancer and where is it in the body. The test results determine if it is contained to one area or is it in several areas of the body. The tests will also determine the type of weapons needed to kill the cancer that is working to kill the warrior of courage. The weapons of western medicine are surgery, radiation, chemotherapy. Eastern healing methods include massage, Reiki, acupuncture, mediation and guided imagery.

The Warrior of Courage must choose their weapons wisely because there is no guarantee that they will work to destroy the cancer that is destroying the Warrior. Medical, emotional and mental testing becomes a new part of life. The medical tests are used during diagnosis, during treatment and then after treatment to see if the cancer is really conquered and to look for reoccurrence. With each test brings the emotional and mental testing of holding one’s breath until the results are in. Waiting for the next phone call with good news and hopefully becoming a member of the survivor’s club.

The courage it takes to make all the decisions in this warfare is tremendous. The courage to say yes to each test and wait to hear the results and then say yes to the next test and again wait to hear the results takes the strength and determination of a warrior. The courage to say yes to surgery with the hope for an ending of the battle and the possibility to regain normalcy in life is courage that is found on the battle grounds of war. And the courage to live with the thought of never knowing when the cancer will raise its ugly head again and wondering if there is fight and courage left to go through it all over again. This is when death may become an option to the Warrior of Courage. And may very well be the better option in the battle.

Western and Eastern medicine can only take the Warrior of Courage so far in the battle. The courage to say no to the next test, treatment and waiting is also tremendous. It takes this courage to say yes to pain and suffering the cancer brings as it destroys vital organs. And it takes this courage to look death in the face and know that it is the right choice because the battle is over and the cancer has won.

The Warrior of Courage has the choice to fight or surrender. It is those around the Warrior of Courage who must provide the love, care, support and encouragement that will make that choice as successful as possible.

Pondering

2011-03-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

Lord, you have examined me and know me.

You know everything I do;

from far away you understand all my thoughts.

You see me, whether I am working or resting;

you know all my actions.

Even before I speak, you already know what I will say.

You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power.

Your knowledge of me is too deep;

It is beyond my understanding.

Where could I go to escape from you?

Where could I get away from your presence?

If I went to heaven, you would be there.

If I lay down in the world of the dead, you would be there.

If I flew away beyond the east or lived in the farthest place in the west,

You would be there to lead me, you would be there to help me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me or the light around me to turn ionto night, but even darkness is not dark for you, and the night is as bright as the day.

Darkness and light are the same to you.

You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because you are to be loved, all you do is strange and wonderful.

I know it with all my heart.

When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother’s womb,

When I was there growing in secret, you knew that I was there, You saw me before I was born.

The days allotted to me has all been recorded in your book, before any of them ever began.

Oh God, how difficult I find your thoughts, how many of them there are!

If I counted them they would be more than the grains of sand.

When I awake, I am still with you.

For what are we saving?

2011-03-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

The Book of Awakening
by Mark Nepo

If the love I have isn’t working what good is money?

So often we put externals first. Out of worry, out of fear, out of obligation, we think we’re being good Puritans by saying no to what stirs us.

In the 60’s the well-known psychologist Abraham Maslow conceived of a hierarchy of needs, in which he established that human beings must provide for basic physical needs, such as food and shelter, before they can attend to inner needs, such as self- esteem and right relationship.

While this is in part true, I believe there is a dimension of the inner life that is as imperative and equivalent as food and shelter. Without the fulfillment of these basic inner needs, we are just fed and sheltered bodies void of life. Without love, truth, and compassion, all the comforts of modern life don’t matter, because we are simply reduced to biological machines, not even as present as animals.

Without this understanding, we often defer the risk of love: I need to establish myself before I can get involved. I need nice clothes first. I’ll become physically desirable first. I’ll eliminate all my problems first. We also defer love once it is before us, under the guise of safeguarding our future: I won’t call long distance now because I’ll need the money when I retire. I won’t meet them at this concert now, because I’ll need money for a new car in six years. I can’t afford to enter counseling with my partner because we need storm windows. Certainly, we have to balance and make choices, but with no love in the house, there is no need for storm windows.

When I was ill, I faced the very possibility of dying, and suddenly the little money I’d saved, however prudent I was, didn’t matter. It was all worthless. It became immediately clear that the only true purpose of money was to help make love work. When ill, I didn’t hesitate to make all those long distance call I always put off. I met friends at concerts and bought albums and sent flowers instead of waiting for the perfect occasion. I bought plane tickets to the Caribbean for my wife and my dearest friends—and we went!

Once well, I couldn’t go back to the deferring my life under the guise of saving. I still save some, but now I feel compelled to use whatever money I can afford to make love work, to bring truth into being, to allow generosity and compassion to flourish. This is more that altruistic. It is necessary to be fully alive. It’s part of the wood that keeps the inner fire burning.

I am now forced to ask, beyond rent and health insurance, for what are we saving? If the love we have is not brought to life out here in the world, we risk saving for a future that may never come or that, in fact, may find us just ghosts of spirit, unable to live it because we’ve squandered our chances to love along the way.

_______________________________________________

What do you think?

Behind Urgency

2011-02-24T07:15:00.000-05:00

From the Book of Awakening

By Mark Nepo

When feeling urgent, you must slow down.

I learned this, over and over, during the many crisis of cancer. Unless someone is bleeding or can’t breathe, unless there is some true physical requirement to act swiftly, a sense of urgency is a terrible illusion, a trick that happens, again and again because life inside our skin and outside our skin are forever different.

It is as hard as it is humbling. When felling like I can’t sit still, I need, more than ever, to sit still. When feeling like I will die if I don’t have your approval, I need more than ever, to die to my need for your approval. What we need is always harshly and beautifully right before us, disguised in the wrapping of our nearest urgency. We just refuse to accept this, because it feels so difficult to face.

The doorway to our next step of growth is always behind the urgency of the now. Now more that ever, when all feels urgent, you must cut the strings to all events. Now more than ever, when the weights you carry seem tied to your wrists, you must not run and flail. Now more than ever, when each decision feels like the end, you must believe that each question is a beginning. Now more than ever, when you fear that being who you are is a knife to those you love, you must be strong inside where no one has seen you, for loving from there can only make those you love grow. Now more than ever, when feeling that you are the source and the recipient of all pain, you must bow your head till the ancient channel from sky to heart can reopen, till you remember that you are a blessed piece of spirit-dust in spirit- wind.

Now more than ever, you must breathe till your ounce of breath becomes the sky, again and again.

In this way, pray to know your place in the human family like you’ve never known it. In this way pray to have your True Self inch through your turmoil. In this way, love yourself the way you love the emptiness on time. Love yourself the way you love your children or your dog or your dearest friend, without reservation. In this way, today with all its hardships will spill into tomorrow, and decisions will become as clear as streams thawing.

Self Love

2011-01-12T22:24:00.001-05:00

The Book of Awakening
Loving yourself
by Mark Nepo

I begin to realize that in inquiring about my own origin and goal, I am inquiring about something other than myself...In this very realization I begin to recognize the origin and goal of the world.
Martin Buber

In loving ourselves, we love the world. For just as fire, rock and water are all made up of molecules, everything, including you and me, is connected by a small piece of the beginning.

Yet, how do we love ourselves? It is as difficult as seeing the back of your head. It can be as elusive as it is necessary. I have tried and tripped many times. And I can only say that loving yourself is like feeding a clear bird that no one else can see. You must be still and offer your palmful of secrets like delicate seed. As she eats your secrets, no longer secret, she glows and you lighten, and her voice, which only you can hear, is your voice bereft of plans. And the light through her body will bathe you till you wonder why the gems in your palm were ever fisted. Others will think you crazed to wait on something no one sees. But the clear bird only wants to feed and fly and sing. She only wants light in her belly. And once in a great while, if someone loves you enough, they might see her rise from the nest beneath your fear.

In this way, I’ve learned that loving yourself requires a courage unlike any other. It requires us to believe in and stay loyal to something no one else can see that keeps us in the world- our own self-worth.

All the great moments of conception- birth of mountains, of trees, of faith, of prophets, and the truth of relationships that last – all begin where no one can see, and it is our job not to extinguish what is so beautifully begun. For once full of light, everything is safely on its way- not pain-free, but unencumbered- and the air beneath your wings is the same air that trills in my throat, and the empty benches in snow are as much a part of us as the empty figures who slouch on them in spring.

When we believe in what no one else can see. We find we are each other. And all moments of living, no matter how difficult, come back into some central point where self and world are one. Where light pours in and out at once. And once there, I realize – make real before me- that this moment, whatever might be, is a fine moment to live and a fine moment to die.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

BAM writes:

I mentioned to a family member that one of my favorite things is myself. They thought is was a bit narcissistic. I explained that I cannot love others without loving myself beacuse those I love are a part of me.

Mark does a great job giving us words to ponder to help us open to loving ourselves.

Thank you Mark!

Parenting the Undeveloped Prefrontal Cortex

2010-12-07T21:57:00.007-05:00

Seventh grade was the time of the change. My son decided that he did not need school. It was a waste of time. I had this same situation with my older son and was able to turn him around. The younger one is a different story all together and the struggle between us continues.

I heard about a brain study that shows development continues through our early 20’s. I did not connect this to what my son and I were going through because I saw him as stubborn, angry and unmotivated. I thought “there is nothing wrong with his brain! He knows exactly what he is doing!” All the parenting techniques I have learned over the years failed. I found myself saying over and over that I ran out of ideas and I didn’t know how to reach him.

Last night he wanted to watch the football game at his friend’s house. I said no. He battled back. We went back and forth for awhile. I then pushed my nose up with my finger to make a pig nose and he laughed. He laughed! And he let up on going to his friend’s house. I also told him if he said another word he would be in the house for the weekend (that is what really shut him up). Yet I saw hope. For the first time we ended our argument with happiness. He left singing: no means no when no means no.

The brain study mentioned that the brain develops from the back to the front. The frontal lobes of the brain are used for reasoning and problem solving. The frontal lobes help put the brakes on a desire for thrills and taking risk -- a building block of adolescence; and, they're also one of the last areas of the brain to develop fully. REASONING and PROBLEM SOLVING are the LAST to DEVELOP!

Time-lapse Imaging (15 yr time span)

Brain Tissue Changes in Development

That crack of laughter we shared last night opened me to realize that he is a really good person. And I remembered the brain study. I realized that my definition of my son is skewed because it is his undeveloped brain that drives him to make poor choices and to lack the ability to reason. With this new awareness, I can be more relaxed and not so serious around him. I will remember that it is his undeveloped brain that is getting in his way of understanding why I am saying no to his request. I will share this brain study with him and explain that it is my job to fill in where his brain is not yet developed. (I can’t wait to see how this lands on him! J ) I also learned that I can use laughter as a tool to distract him from being unreasonable.

The bottom line here fellow parents: Your teenager is good. Don’t trust that they will make the best decisions for themselves because they do not have the equipment to do it. They need us to help them along. The trick is finding a way to give them that help without them getting bent out of shape. Trial and error is called for here. My son is now 16 years old. I have been trying to get through to him for three years. I am not sure this will work and I will give it a try.

BTW~ he is itching to drive and I am scared to DEATH!

Life in the tank

2010-12-04T07:33:00.008-05:00

The Book of Awakening

Life in the tank

By Mark Nepo

Love, and do what thou wilt

St. Augustine

It was a curious thing. Robert had filled the bathtub and put the fish in the tub, so he could clean the tank. After he’d scrubbed the film from the small walls of their make believe deep, he went to retrieve them.

He was astonished to find that, though they had the entire tub to swim in, they were huddled in a small area the size of their tank. There was nothing containing them, nothing holding them back. Why wouldn’t they dart about freely? What had life in the tank done to their natural ability to swim?

This quiet yet stark moment stayed with us both for a long time. We couldn’t help but see those little fish going nowhere but into themselves. We now had a life-in-the-tank lens on the world and wondered daily, in what ways are we like them? In what ways do we go nowhere but into ourselves? In what ways do we shrink our world so as not to feel the press of our own self-imposed captivity?

Life in the tank made me think of how we are raised at home and in school. It made me think of being told that certain jobs are not acceptable and that certain jobs are out of reach, of being schooled to live a certain way, of being trained to think that only practical things are possible, of being warned over and over that life outside the tank of our values is risky and dangerous.

I began to see just how much we were taught as children to fear life outside the tank. As a father, Robert began to question if he was preparing his children for life in the tank or life in the uncontainable world.

It makes me wonder now, in middle age, if being spontaneous and kind and curious are all part of our natural ability to swim. Each time I hesitate to do the unplanned or unexpected, or hesitate to reach and help another, or to inquire into something I know nothing about; each time I ignore the impulse to run in the rain or to call you up just to say I love you - I wonder, am I turning on myself, swimming safely in the middle of the tub?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

From BAM,
Spend some time with how this life in the tank concept relates to you.
What feeilings or thoughts does it bring up?
What areas of your life are contained by what you learned from parents and teachers?
How can you expand?
Develop a plan, chunk it down so it is not overwhelming.
Life is lived in the moments that make up an hour, day, month and year.
Take time to discover what these moments are creating for you and those you love.

Stirring

2010-12-04T05:51:00.001-05:00

light's glow warms soul
stirs the unknown
give it life, give it life
cries abound

Trusting what is, is okay

2010-11-18T06:59:00.001-05:00

Genuine and Present
Connect with unconditional confidence
     I can do it
   The world is a good place
   I have what it takes

Opening and softening
Slow down, calm down, be patient, wait and see
     Turn and face what you are afraid of, be gentle
      Be aware of body and mind
      Give yourself full attention to what is going on

Take a leap, be open to whatever happens next
Say, I don't know what will happen
Life is more interesting than anything I can dream up

Women and success

2010-10-31T09:14:00.010-04:00

Whether or not we like it or admit it, a women's success is secondary to her relationships. We fear the impact success will have (and it most assuredly will) not only on our own lives but on the lives of those we love.

We fear success with good reason. We've got a lot at stake. Success brings change and change is uncomfortable. But by attempting to achieve one challenge at a time, we redefine success for ourselves and those we love.
by Sarah Ban Breathnach

Undone

2010-10-01T21:03:00.006-04:00

What have you wanted to do and never did? Look back into your childhood and teenage years to see what you wanted to do back then and never got around to doing it. Maybe it is something that had to be put on hold while raising a family? Write these undone things down on paper so that you can’t change your mind about them later. Any attempts or thoughts to change your list should be looked at for reasons why. Write these reasons down too.

The state of undone leaves a void in our lives. We feel unfulfilled because we have not accomplished the thing that is undone. Most of the time this is happening on an unconscious level and unconsciously we try to become fulfilled by eating food in a way that is unhealthy for our bodies. Food is an easy choice for us because it is readily accessible and acceptable. Hey mangiare!

Here are some of the things on my undone list:

1. Weed the flower beds

2. Create new shelves for basement storage

3. Clean out basement and garage

4. Create workout space

5. Write a book

6. Rock and Roll band

7. Athlete

8. Professional speaker

I discovered that my undone things are behind my unhealthy eating by asking myself:

· Why do I reach for unhealthy food?

· What is going on within me that I want food to satisfy me?

I noticed that I do not reach for unhealthy food when I am working on an undone.

Here are some examples of how I work on the undone:

· I took guitar and singing lessons as a way of fulfilling my desire to be in a Rock and Roll band. I have performed for my Toastmasters group and at holiday parties. I created a CD and shared it with friends and family. I plan to perform for my Aunt and her friends at her nursing home. Am I in a Rock and Roll band? Am I anything like my favorite female singers (Pat Benatar, Stevie Nicks, Cheryl Crow and Barbra Streisand?) No. The moving toward it is all I need to feel fulfilled. And it feels great!

· I am moving toward the undone of writing a book through this blog People Helping People. I write about various topics and share some of my poetry and lyrics. Will I ever write a book? I don’t know. I do know that being able to write is fulfilling right now.

· The undone of athlete is also in the works. Many times I have wondered how athletes accomplish their wins. How do they get to the top of their sport? What does it take? Do I have what it takes? I work with my Crossfit Rising coaches to find out. This is the one workout program that I have experienced where I can find out what I am made of and develop myself from there. I am excited to see where this leads. And I am learning how to use food to increase performance. All this learning is splashing over to other areas in my life.

Sometimes moving toward an undone is done by thinking about it and planning it out.

· The clean the garage and create storage shelves undone is an example of this. I am thinking about the logistics and time when I can get is done. The garage needs to be cleaned out first so I can have space to cut wood into shelves and have workout space. Just thinking about it is fulfilling right now. I know it will get done in time. J

I have no attachment to the outcome of these undone things. The secret to fulfillment is to become aware of the undone and then work toward it. Enjoy the process of the journey. This is a continual journey because as we move toward our undone, we learn more about ourselves. And the undone changes and expands or morphs into something else. Leaving us to reevaluate and adjust along the way. If we are too attached to one exact outcome, we lose the wonderful surprises along the way. Our undone may not turn out exactly as we want it to because it always turns out so much better!

“When we move toward that which is most fulfilling and life-enhancing with joy and pleasure healing follows.” Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Take a step forward and see what unfolds for you!

What is undone in your life?

Sarcopenia

2010-09-23T21:15:00.001-04:00

I recently learned while reading the book Younger Next Year by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge that muscle loss begins while we are young. I always thought is started at a much later age.

Think about how different your life would be if you did not have the strength to do everyday tasks.

I found this easy to read Web MD article on the subject.

From the time you are born to around the time you turn 30 your muscles grow larger and stronger. But at some point in your 30s, you begin to lose muscle mass and function, a condition known as age-related sarcopenia or sarcopenia with aging. People who are physically inactive can lose as much as 3% to 5% of their muscle mass per decade after age 30. But you still experience some muscle loss, even if you are active.

Although there is no generally accepted test or specific level of muscle mass for sarcopenia diagnosis, any loss of muscle mass is of consequence because loss of muscle means loss of strength and mobility. Sarcopenia accelerates around age 75 and is a factor in the occurrence of frailty and the likelihood of falls and fractures in the elderly.

Symptoms and Causes of Sarcopenia

Symptoms of muscle loss include musculoskeletal weakness and loss of stamina, which can interfere with physical activity. Reduced physical activity, in turn, further reduces muscle mass.
Although sarcopenia is mostly seen in people who are inactive, the fact that it also occurs in people who stay physically active throughout life suggests there are other factors involved in the development of sarcopenia.
Researchers believe the following factors play a role:

Age-related reduction in nerve cells responsible for sending signals from the brain to the muscles to initiate movement.
A decrease in the concentrations of some hormones, including growth hormone, testosterone, and insulin-like growth factor.
A decrease in the body's ability to synthesize protein.
Inadequate intake of calories and/or protein to sustain muscle mass.

Treatments for Sarcopenia

The primary treatment for sarcopenia is exercise. Specifically, resistance training or strength training -- exercise that increases muscle strength and endurance with weights or resistance bands -- has been shown to be useful for both the prevention and treatment of sarcopenia.
Resistance training has been reported to positively influence the neuromuscular system, hormone concentrations, and protein synthesis rate. Research has shown that a program of progressive resistance training exercises can increase protein synthesis rates in the elderly in as little as two weeks.
For optimal benefits with minimal risk of injury, the proper number, intensity, and frequency of resistance exercise is important. For that reason, you should work with an experienced physical therapist or trainer to develop an exercise plan.
Although drug therapy is not the preferred treatment for sarcopenia, a few medications are under investigation. They include:
Urocortin II. This peptide has been shown to stimulate the release of a hormone called adrenocoticotropic hormone (ACTH) from the pituitary gland. Intravenous urocortin II has been shown to prevent muscle atrophy from being in a cast or taking certain medications; it has also been shown to cause muscle growth in healthy rats. But its use for building muscle mass in humans has not been studied is and is not recommended.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). When a woman's production of hormones is diminished at menopause, hormone replacement therapy has been shown to increase lean body mass and reduce abdominal fat short term. However, in recent years there has been controversy surrounding the use of HRT due to increased risk of certain cancers and other serious health problems among HRT users.
Other treatments under investigation for sarcopenia include testosterone supplementation, growth hormone supplementation, and medication for treatment of metabolic syndrome (insulin-resistance, obesity, hypertension, etc.). If found useful, all of these would complement the effects of resistance exercise, not replace them

CrossFit Rising

PaleoChix

Woman's Worth, By Marianne Williamson

2010-09-20T20:22:00.001-04:00

Womanhood today is tenative and unsure, a thing defined more by what it isn't than by what it is. For some women , this is a problem. They have been raised above the complexities of society's projections and misunderstandings and now fly high above the clouds. For most women however, the resistances they encountered as they reached for the sky were so great that their wings have now drooped, and they try no longer.

Womenhood is a mass pain of unspoken depth; and when we try to speak it, we're liable to be told, "There you go- complaining again"!

As long as this is true, not half but all of humanity is obstructed in its journey to our cosmic destination. This destination is far, far away, a place so deep inside us that we have barley glimpsed its outer walls.

But the dirt around us is moving, making room for tiny sprouts. Like every woman, I know what I know. Something is starting to happen. New thinkgs lie in store for the earth, and one of them is us. Womenhood is being recast, and we are pregnant, en masse, giving birth to our own redemption.

Watch, Wait. Time will unfold and fulfill its purpose. While we wait, we must not go unconscious. We must think and grow. Rejoice and dream, kneel and pray. There is holiness in the air today; modern priestesses are appearing all over. They are who we are, for they are us; friends, thearpists, artists, business women, teachers, healers, mothers, Start laughing girls. We have a new calling.

Muffin Top Syndrome (MTS)

2010-09-15T07:33:00.006-04:00

Many us suffer from the over spilling of our middle region that is lovingly referred to as muffin top. We try to hide the spillover with big loose tops yet muffin top likes to be seen and protrudes on all sides so as not to be hidden.

And they come in many shapes and sizes. Go to Google images and search on the term muffin top. Amazing how predominate this syndrome is in our world.

Muffin tops are created by us in those moments of enjoying breads, cereals, rice, cookies, candy and ice cream and the wide variety of processed foods.

The antidote for muffin top syndrome is whole foods. These are foods created by nature such as lean meats, fruits and vegetables. Whole foods are like kryptonite to the muffin top. The muffin top cannot sustain its bulge and disappears over time.

Will you help me in my mission to eradicate MTS from our world?

Be diligent and persistent in eliminating MTS from your bodies by eating whole foods.

Resources:

The Paleo Diet by Loren Codain, PHD

The Paleo Solution by Rob Wolffe

Paleochix.com

I did the best I can do

2010-09-08T19:05:00.001-04:00

I recently developed a system at work that provides me with feedback on how my day went.

The system is to write down all the tasks that need to be completed. I then prioritize and schedule these tasks over the week. New tasks are incorporated and there may be the need for some rescheduling. I leave work each day feeling good because I know what I accomplished in the day.

I have expanded on this system with the question did I do the best I can?
Asking this question moves me from a place of getting the tasks done to getting the tasks done to the best of my ability.

It feels great when the answer is yes. A no answer leaves me wondering why. What happened that my best wasn’t given? Was it due to procrastination, laziness or boredom? This self examination helps to improve for the next time this task comes around.

I also use this question to reflect on my day. Did I do the best I can? I scan through the day to look at the yes and no answers to this question.

Life is short and precious. Make it the best you can by developing systems to support you.

Pause

2010-09-05T09:05:00.010-04:00

I experienced the deaths of a young friend and a colleague this past week. I also spent time with my Aunt who is in a nursing home. Active alive, busy and engaged in life one minute, gone or stuck in a place that is depressing the next. These events show how precious life is.

Contemplate the lyrics of this song I wrote.

Take time, say I love you

Take time, be a friend

Take time, call a loved one

Take time, watch the rising sun

Rushing gets us no where real fast

Live in the moment, right here right now

Slow down, show you care
Slow down, just be there
Slow down, dream of what's to come
Slow down, watch a squirrel run

Rushing gets us no where real fast
Live in the moment, right here right now

With pause, look at nature
With pause, go for a walk
With pause, listen for silence
With pause, watch the leaves fall

Rushing gets us no where real fast
Live in the moment, right here right now

Take time, say a prayer
Take time, feel the air
Take Time, dream of what's to come
Take time, watch the setting sun

Rushing gets us no where real fast
Live in the moment, right here right now

Patterns

2010-09-04T13:12:00.005-04:00

Read about patterns in a post I wrote for paleochix.com

http://paleochix.com/?p=2975

Energy Drain

2010-08-28T21:05:00.010-04:00

It is not all that we have to get done that wipes us out.
It is thinking about all that we have to get done.
Running it over and over in the mind, worried something will be forgotten.

This is energy drain.

Learn to manage your energy

Write it all down
Schedule it, and stick to the schedule, don't procrastinate
Schedule breaks and down time (white space)
Schedule FUN!
Eat well

My Love

2010-08-14T08:49:00.010-04:00

My love for you is seen in the vastness of the mountain range

Is felt in the warm rays of sun

And the pounding of the waves along the shore line
Is heard in the silence of newly fallen snow
And the whisper of the wind

Please vote for me

2010-06-13T15:00:00.001-04:00

Hello,

I entered a contest to win my own tv show on Oprah's new network. Please go to this link and vote for me. Thank you!

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=add_video&entity_id=202067980

What you Know

2010-05-22T19:11:00.000-04:00

We enter this world with no agenda
Pre-assigned with place and status
What is one to do?
Where are the instructions
of how to move forward?
Make it up as you go along,
just make it up!
There is nothing outside
of what we know
Do we dare to go beyond this knowing?
Curiously seeking for more, new, less, different
Only to be back to what you know.

Poetry by BAM

Got Bill?

2010-05-09T20:18:00.001-04:00

Barbara and Bill started dating in 1982. Bill joined Barbara's family during Christmas Eve celebrations where the family exchanged gifts. Just before someone opened a gift, Bill yelled, "it's a big picture of me". After a few years of this, Barbara cut up a picture of Bill into a puzzle, wrapped it up and gave it to siblings on Christmas eve. The tradition continues today. Over the years there have been, more pictures of Bill, sweatshirts, Tshirts, bobblehead Bill, Snow glob Bill, coasters...

We have had much fun over the years and want to include you in the fun. Let me know if you are interested in one of the "Got Bill" items.

Pricing starts at $10

Become a member of group Got Bill?
http://www.facebook.com/?sk=2361831622#!/group.php?gid=116029341765555

Monther's Day

2010-05-09T08:59:00.001-04:00

This is a nice explanation of the impact mothers have on life.

http://www.crossfitrising.com/crossfit-rising/2010/05/mothers-day.html

Forgotten

2010-05-02T13:31:00.000-04:00

It stings within the heart
Sadness deep and Dark
How can one forget the other?
One knowing the other not
Will discovery be made by the other?
Only time will reveal the plot
How will one continue
with caution and mistrust
One thought a deep connection
Appears not
One and the other
Seeing from a different plane
One moves to the surface
protects the heart from the sting

poetry by BAM

ultimate, jubilant affirmation

2010-04-30T18:41:00.002-04:00

How dear you will be to me then, you nights of anguish.
Why didn't I kneel more deeply to accept you, inconsolable sisters,
and surrendering, lose myself in your loosened hair.
How we squander our hours of pain.
How we gaze beyond them into the bitter duration
to see if they have an end.
Though they are really seasons of us, our winter enduring foliage,
ponds, meadows, our inborn landscape,
where birds and reed-dwelling creatures are at home.

by Rainer Maria Rilke

Being set off or not ~ your choice

2010-04-24T20:12:00.004-04:00

My Daily affairs are quite ordinary but I'm in total harmony with them.
I don't hold on to anything, don't reject anything;
nowhere an obstacle or conflict.
Who cares about wealth and honor?
Even the poorest thing shines.
My miraculous power and spiritual activity: drawing water and carrying wood.
(The Enlightened Heart, p35) (today it would be working, cooking and cleaning, right?)

Bliss ~ the state of extreme happiness.
The author of this poem is in a state of bliss.
There is a sense of choice in the words. Do you feel it when reading this poem?

Each day we have a choice about how we will move through it. Angry, sad, happy, joyful. miserable, see only the negative, see all the positive (everything is better than dead!)

No one has the power to do anything to you. My sons would complain that their bother made them do it, feel a certain way. No one has that power over you. Each of us has the gift of choice. I choose to allow the energy, the angry words, the loving words, the hurt feelings, the happy feelings, the anxiousness to flow as it may. In me, through me, past me. This is what the poet is saying. How beautiful and freeing!

Find your miraculous power and spiritual actitiy as you move through your day and allow all you encounter to flow freely.

Namaste

Abundance

2010-04-21T07:17:00.001-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with my nine year old son the 6 years ago. Here is how it went……

Son: I don’t want to go to school. It’s stupid. Why do I have to go? (I know this sounds familiar – either with your own kids or when you were one!)

Mom: You need to go to school to learn so you can support yourself when you are an adult (yes, and why aren’t you working now, is what I really want to say)

Son: What if God made everyone really smart so they wouldn’t have to go to school. They would know everything they needed to know.

Mom: God did make us really smart and we do know all we need to know. Each of us was created with special talents and gifts that God asks us to use to help one another. Unfortunately, the world is not set up to operate this way so some people wind up having more than others.

Son: What about a doctor? Doctors have to learn to make people better and get paid.

Mom: Yes, and they would get the training they needed to be able to heal people. What if doctors heal people, farmers feed people, carpenters build housing for people and educators teach people regardless of whether they got paid. Their needs would be taken care of because God has created an earth that has an abundance of resources for everyone. And He asks us to share our gifts and talents with each other.

Son: Oh, I get it. That makes sense (and there has not been a mention of not going to school since!!!).

Yes, it does make sense yet we haven’t evolved to this way of thinking as a culture. We must discern between our needs and our wants which is not always easy to do because billions of dollars are spent on advertising that tells us we need it all. We must turn to God to help us identify our needs and trust in Him to meet them through his gracious provision.

The “seed” has been planted in the mind of a nine year old. I encourage you to plant some “seeds” by sharing the thoughts and ideas of abundance with your family and friends. When we do this, we open minds to receive God’s blessing of living in this world of abundance. And who knows, this nine year old may enter a world that is embracing abundant living when he reaches adulthood!!!

Update:
We remain in a scarcity mind set more than ever. The recent world wide econimic issues show us this truth. My son is now 15 years old and soon to be an adult. Maybe we are hitting rock bottom and will flourish torward an abundant view. Keep hope alive for our future generations!

Watcher

2010-04-15T09:37:00.000-04:00

This moment, watching
Not controlling, not contemplating a next move
Just watching
Certain a new moment will come
Enjoying and then some
Be the watcher of life
What a relief from the strife
Peaceful, Calm, Relaxed
Time flows it is not taxed
No worry or fear
Just watching,
Curious to see the next scene unfold
Smiling, Laughing, Knowing
All will be well
Be the watcher to learn
How to live as one
With the watcher of all
That is seen and unseen

Date Night

2010-04-11T15:15:00.003-04:00

Date night is a film about a Teaneck NJ couple that finds themselves in a rut. They get up in the morning, make breakfast and lunch for the kids, go to work, come home exhausted and prepare to do it all again the next day. They have one night when they go out to a movie and the same restaurant for dinner (ordering the same meal every time). They are nervous about their rut because they see their friends divorcing and they wonder to themselves if they are next. They decide to change things up a bit by going to diner in NYC, foolishly thinking they can get a table by being early! All of us from Bergen County know that it takes at least an hour to get into the city despite the fact we are only 15 miles outside of the city! Crazy traffic that can never be predicted is the reason. So getting their early by leaving at 6 PM just won’t work!

There are many couples in the world that can relate to this movie and ask themselves if the life they are living is all there is to life? I think if we look only on the surface of family life it may seem routine and boring. Yet there is so many interesting and important interactions happening all the time. As parents we are molding our children to be healthy, happy, honest, productive and creative adults. Hopefully, we are providing an environment that limits the amount of psychological “baggage” they will carry into adulthood. This is all a very HUGE and important responsibility for parents. And the risk if it is not done well is giving the world an adult who may choose to cause harm to others and themselves. The news is full of these individuals. What happened in their lives that they chose such a path?

We begin to realize how great ours lives of routine and sameness are when we experience the opposite. The couple in the film ran into criminals who wanted to cause them harm. All the couple wanted while they were experiencing this drama is to be safe in their home with their children. For many of us the opposite of our routine may be an illness or death in the family. Maybe we become the care taker of an aging parent and are trying to figure out how to fit these additional responsibilities into our day. And we may be thinking how much easier life was without this additional responsibility.

This too will change. Life allows for these changes so we can learn to appreciate all of life’s experiences. I am learning that it is not the experience itself that makes the difference but how I respond to the experience. Am I talking care of myself and family in a loving manner? Am I bringing calmness and understanding to discussions with those involved in the experience? Do I consider everyone’s feelings and concerns? Am I asking whose decision is it? Is it my decision to make or am I interested in making a decision so it easier is for me?

One additional responsibility I have is to cook dinner for my parents once and sometimes twice a week. I want to make meals that are spicy and different then what they may have had in the past. Sometimes my parents are open to my meal choice and other times they are not. I accept their choice and make a meal they would enjoy instead. Then I make the spicy/different meal for my family on a night I am not cooking for my parents. This way I get the best of both worlds. Satisfying my parent’s need of eating a meal they like and my own need of wanting to prepare and enjoy something different.

When the boredom sets into your life look at nature. Does a tree want to be anything other than a tree? It runs through the same cycle of life season after season. BORING! Yes, on the surface. But maybe there is a new bird or squirrel family nesting in its branches this season. We begin life as a human being, layering on roles as each year passes. Sometimes the roles can become so heavy and burdensome that we forget who we really are. Take time to examine the roles we take on to ensure they are the right fit. Ask what other roles you would like to experience? Is there something you have always wanted to do that just never fit into your life before? I have always wanted to ride a motorcycle. Many, many years ago Bill rode me around on his motorcycle when we were dating. Recently, we decided that after he gets is other hip replaced we would get motorcycles and ride for a hobby. I look forward to this new role of biker chick! I have also been interested in public speaking and I am working toward making this come about. These are two new roles that add some excitement to the normal routine life. A friend has always wanted to sky dive. Her husband gave her sky diving lessons for her birthday. I recently read in Time magazine about people who want to be their own butcher. They take classes to learn how to cut up cow and pig. The Twilight book series author decided that she would write down her dreams and wound up producing a successful book and movie series! Another friend and his wife are taking salsa dancing lessons. Life offers so many options on many different levels of interest. To find yours, start with the question ~ what did I enjoy doing as a child? List the answers and see how they may fit into your life today.

BYW, date night was very funny and I recommend seeing it. Just one thing though. It is rated PG13. There are topics and discussions in the movie that are not appropriate for that age group. We sat in the back of the movie theater that attracted at least 20 teenagers. They were bored from either a lack of understanding these topics or embarrassment to be hearing them in the co-ed group? Not sure but many of them left 1/3 of the way through the movie.

Artificially Flavored

2010-04-09T07:27:00.000-04:00

A poem by Billy and me

Apple pie
see with your eye
see it in your smile
eat it for awhile

Crunchy and warm
filling in the form
Smell it in the air
Lying in an easy chair

Yummy in my tummy
Crumbs all over
Such a dummy

Mom will yell
So clean up well
Think to self, oh go to hell

Fitness program

2010-04-03T17:09:00.002-04:00

What is your fitness program?

All of us need to develop our own personalized fitness program for health and mobility. Our daily lives task us to perform on many different physical levels. Our bodies need to be fit for us to perform these tasks or we may risk injury or possible death.

Many years ago I pulled a back muscle when lifting my son out of his car seat. I had many similar injuries after that initial injury when lifting a laundry basket and sometimes when picking a towel off the floor. I decided at that time to find a fitness program that would strengthen my back muscles and enable me to perform these simple tasks without injury.

A fitness program that is right for you will be fun and help you accomplish health and mobility goals. I have tried many different types of workouts – racquetball, running, jazzercise, walking, tennis, and video games such as WI. These workouts did not stick with me because my goal was to use them to lose weight. Weight lose can only occur and remain when combined with a fitness and eating program that is right for your body and personality. The fitness and eating program must complement each other and the goal must be on total fitness not just losing weight. Both can be found when we understand what we enjoy doing and eating. The workouts above may be the right ones for you. Some friends use bike riding as a way to stay fit. They enjoy the challenge and it gives them the ability to be outdoors. Another friend enjoys running through the woods. It sounds crazy to me but he loves doing it and is always raising the bar for distance and endurance. Find what you enjoy and increase the intensity over time so you don’t get bored with it being too easy and to ensure your body is getting the physical benefit it needs to be fit and healthy.

My fitness program began six years ago with martial arts. I enjoy the physical and mental challenge that martial arts offers. This is what keeps me engaged in it for so many years. I felt my body and mind get stronger over these years and have changed my eating patterns several times as I search for the right foods to fuel my body efficiently. The physical demands of martial arts training is getting harder as I move towards black belt. So, I searched to add something to my fitness program. Two years ago I added swimming. I found that I have some natural ability and really love the sport. Swimming is engaging upper body and leg muscles in ways these muscles do not engage with martial arts training. It is also low impact for my muscles and enables me to swim for longer periods of time. All throughout these years of martial arts and swimming I have always wanted to add weight training to my program. Studies show our bodies lose muscle as we age and that weight training can help us keep and build muscles. Recently, I found a weight training program called Crossfit. I have only a month of working with the Crossfit program and can already feel so many muscles being engaged that I have not felt engaged with either martial arts or swimming. I am excited about this program because it will help me increase my abilities in both martial arts and swimming and it gets me moving more!

How much do you move in your day?

Here is my mobility during a day when I workout:
7 hours sleeping – not moving
2 hours prep time in the morning – light moving
.30 minutes commute to work – not moving
10 hours of work – not moving
1 to 2 hours working out – intense moving
3 hours eating, watching TV, reading, computing…. – not moving

Total hours not moving = 20
Total hours moving = 4

This motivates me to find more ways to move. Because if I don’t I run the risk of injury, not being able to complete life’s tasks and aging poorly. It also motivates me to think about what I am eating during the day. I ask myself if I will be working the consumed calories off though my body’s movement. Diets are temporary. I am a life time weight watchers member and I still have an issue with weight. Diets do not help me.

The idea of calorie intake versus calorie burned is making a difference for me. I am losing the pounds without weighing, measuring, tracking and feeling guilty about the food I eat or don’t eat. I know what foods don’t work for me and those that do. I balance the intake of these foods with how much I am moving in a day. If I am not moving that much then I know I have to eat less and be sure to stay away from sugary sweets. If I know I will be moving a lot in a day, I will increase the food I eat or may have some sweets. I find as time passes and I get into the grove of this new way of thinking, I am less attracted to the sweets (high calorie) foods and desire to have healthy low calories foods more often.

Think about how much you move in a day versus the amount of food intake
Develop a fitness program that is fun and increases in intensity
Get moving and get fit!

Resources:
http://www.bodymindsystems.com/
http://www.crossfitrising.com/
http://www.chrispconstantlyvaried.blogspot.com/
Younger next year by Chris Crowley, Henry S. Lodge
The authors have several books – pick the one that is right for you

How to be love

2009-12-30T12:47:00.003-05:00

My goal is to live in loving, caring environments (work, home, public places). I learned how to do this through Corporate coach training. When I leave the presence of another person, I want them to think positive thoughts about me ~ helpful, caring, knowledgeable, loving....

What do you want people to think about you? How can you help them get there?

Below I share an exercise that is helping me and others. Give it a try.

John Lennon tells us all we need is love. And at some level we all know this is true but just don't know how to go about it. We face an unloving world the minute we walk out the door. Sometimes it is when our feet hit the ground and someone is complaining in our own household! As we move through our day, we encounter the person who doesn't like the way we drive, how long we take at the checkout, our method of payment. The colleague who hates that we are happy or grumpy or that we get all the great projects. We can not please everyone but we can please ourselves and this is what we are after in this blog. Pleasing our self starts with loving ourselves and then loving those in our life.

Love is our basic nature. When we are love we bring joy and peace to our little corner of the world. And maybe it will rub off on those around us. No guarantees, a little prayer may be needed for some people.

Let's start with a list. List in one column yourself and the people in your life, family, friends, and colleagues. The next column contains the features/characteristics that you like about yourself and the people in your life. The third column contains the features/characteristics that you DO NOT like about yourself and the people in your life.

Here is a brief example. Write it ALL down and be truthful ~ no one but you will see this list
Names -------Likes --------Dislikes
Barbara------funny-------- bitchy
Dumbo-------loving--------big ears
Babar--------family man---green suits
Eeyore-------easy going--- sad~all the time
(a small note about me. I love elephants because they are so powerful and strong yet the most loving, caring animals on the planet. Did you know an elephant will "mock charge" you to let you know that it does not like that you are near it? Would a lion do that? Would some people?)

Use this list as the tool to invoke more love in your life. When you are with one of the people on your list and they are sharing the feature/characteristic that you do not like, turn your focus on the feature/characteristic that you like. It is amazing how much more patient and loving you will be with this person. It really works.

For those people that you have not listed, the random person in the car or grocery store line, try imagining what could be likable about them. There is someone in the world that has love for them. Wonder what that person may see in this person to love them. And worst case scenario~ always remember that God loves them even if no other human can. What does God love about this person?

We all have our unlikable characteristics. It comes from our beliefs and experiences in life. Some formed when we were young and we may not be aware of them.

You can take this exercise to the next level by asking the people in your life what they like and don't like about you. Use this information to change what you can that is not liked and enhance what is likeable.

December 2010 will be here before we know it~ so let's give this exercise a chance and see what we can accomplish in such a short time. Write your comments, experiences, outcomes right here and share this with everyone you know.

Barbara

Update on being the change...

2009-08-09T08:13:00.003-04:00

A colleague is working on being the change when it comes to the eating habits of his family. He decided to make a healthy meal and not say a word about it. He just was the change. And to his surprise, everyone ate the meal without complaint! Be the change in your life. Let me know your being the change story so we can share and inspire others!

poetry

2009-08-08T18:55:00.007-04:00

I sit in thee
as you shade me from the sun
protect me from the rain
you've allowed me to make a home within you
to shelter me from the cold winter snow
I must leave every now and then
to see the world and then return
to share with you what I saw
Oh how I wish you could come with me
to share in the wonder of it all
to you I will always return
For you have made a home in me
your dwelling place in my heart

be the change..

2009-07-25T22:20:00.006-04:00

Be the change you want to see in your life I worked with a nutritionist for several months so I could learn how to eat healthy and I hoped my family would do the same. I am happy to say the past 10 months of eating more fruits and vegetables, eliminating caffeine, reducing meats, exercising more has my family starting to do the same! I am the change I wanted to see in my family and they are following along without me being a pest about it. I started to see the change happening in them last week. I came home from working out and was making a fruit smoothie. My sons asked for one too! I showed them how to make the smoothie so they could make one when I am not around. The next day I met my husband in the supermarket and he showed me some pre made salads that he planned to take to work. Each of us can make a difference in the lives of those we love by being the change we want to see. Smoothie recipe Frozen or fresh berries ½ bananna OJ Almond butter or tofu (protein) Optional cocoa powder

Parenting - Modeling

2009-07-05T12:03:00.003-04:00

What are we teaching our children through our interactions with them? I have found that my sons are the greatest negotiators in the world! Our youngest son has mastered this skill so well that he managed to get a dollar from the little league photographer! I asked how he did it and he said “she asked me to smile and I didn’t then she said she would give me a dollar if I smiled and I did!” (and you should see the smile – ear to ear) Where did he learn this skill? Well, I know he has not taken a negotiating course in elementary school so it must be that he is learning this skill through his interaction with me and my husband. How does this happen? It happens very subtly over time. As parents we are so easily distracted by everything going on in our day to day lives that we don’t realize some of the things we are teaching our children through our interaction with them. Children are like sponges. They pick up everything we do and say and then model it in their life to see what works and what doesn’t work. They keep what works and try something else when it doesn’t work. Now that I have been enlightened to their negotiating ways, I try to pay close attention to how my son talks with me when he is trying to get his outcome to a situation. I encourage him when he is using his negotiating talents in a positive way and discourage him when he is being manipulative. Here is an example: He wants us to stop at 7-Eleven to get a slurpy after church. I don’t respond yes or no and he is assuming my answer is going to be no (because in his world “I always say no” sound familiar?). So, he begins to complain about things that he knows are my hot buttons. I am working on diffusing these hot buttons within me and one way I do this is to remember to focus on his actions. So, I mention to him that his disrespectful attitude is preventing him from getting the slurpy. In the past his complaining would make me feel guilty and therefore result in him getting what he wants. Now that I have changed my reaction to his complaining he will have to find another way to negotiate his outcome. Later that day I asked him to turn off the lights in the kitchen. He did this without complaining or hesitation and I looked into his eyes, smiled and thanked him. I mentioned to him that “this is how I want us to interact with each other and this cooperative behavior will result in you receiving a slurpy without even asking for it! Are you interested in changing your child’s behavior? First identify what this behavior is and look at the situations surrounding it. Are you doing or saying anything that might encourage this behavior? Talk with the child about the behavior and explain that you would like to help him/her behave in a different way. Explain how this behavior affects you. Use age appropriate language and check in with the child to ensure they understand what you are communicating to them. Share what you have noticed about yourself that has contributed to the development of this behavior. Explain that the two of you can work together to bring about a positive change in your relationship. Remind the child that you love them very much. This exploring, communicating and changing experience is teaching the child that two people are responsible for creating a loving and collaborative relationship. And this learning will help them in the relationships they form for the rest of their lives.

2nd half of 2009

2009-07-05T11:47:00.003-04:00

2009 has hit the half way mark. How is it going so far? Not moving in the direction you want? What is getting in the way? Define what you value Define what a success in 2009 looks like. Defining success leads to setting clear, achivable goals. What is draining you? How come? Goals set in January can be long forgotten in the relaxed atmosphere of summer fun and sun (finally some sun!). This is a great time to remember when December rolls around we don't want to be in the same place we were in January!

Making a Difference

2009-05-24T20:21:00.002-04:00

Making a difference is our bottom line innate nature – it is basic. Each of us chooses to manifest this innate desire in different ways. Some make a difference through Jihad, aborting babies, not aborting babies, adopting babies, war, general acts of causing harm to others, or not causing harm to others, supporting family, saying hello, writing a note, donating money, not donating money, keeping one’s home/environment clean, recycling, not recycling, feeding animals, caring for the elderly…… And because making a difference is our basic nature, it is given freely or with low cost. Making a difference can be achieved wherever we find ourselves in life. Making a difference can be found by slowing down to really listen to someone. Supporting someone who is going through a rough time through prayer, sharing our abundance, sending a note of encouragement, being generous with our time. Making a difference happens in the moment. Our awareness of this will help be our confirmation and reward for it will provide peace in knowing that we are living out our basic nature. And there is no greater reward than living a life that is true to our basic nature.

At what cost?

2009-05-10T09:05:00.003-04:00

The leaders and decision makers in corporations large and small must understand that the requirements and demands placed on employees cost money~ it cost money to make money. We have seen over the years so much downsizing in the attempt to reduce costs. This is a farce because even though the corporation does save money by not having to pay benefits and salary of those who are laid off, the remaining employees pay the cost of those savings with their health and loss of personal time. These remaining employees are compensating for the lost employee by working late, weekends and worrying if they will be next if they do not keep on top of their new added workload. I spoke with a bank employee who is working Saturdays, 12 plus hours, to get her work done. Two employees have left my department – one to early retirement and one to a promotion. Neither have been replaced. A colleague and I are picking up the work these two employees did. We have been working weekends and late weekdays to keep up with all that is expected. I have raised this to management and there is talk about hiring a person to help with the work load. Employees must communicate the issue to management. Management must either change the workload ~ determine those tasks that are not adding value and eliminate these tasks. Or they must add staff. If management fails to see that the cost of doing business must not be left on the backs of the remaining employees, then maybe it is time to leave that corporation. To all the leaders, managers, business owners: Reducing staff may help keep the company a going concern. But please take into consideration what this loss of staff does to the remaining employees. Take the time to see if the work itself can change so the remaining employees do not have to do the work of those who were laid off.

Are you present?

2009-05-03T14:31:00.005-04:00

A friend and I have been commiserating about our stress from work. We decided to ask each other if we are present to the moment as we move through our week. I find when I stay present to the task at hand I am calmer and more productive which feels great. When I am not present I feel scattered and worry that I will not get the task done. This feels really crummy. Remaining present is also helpful for life's unexpected events. It enables me to go with the flow and reduce worry. I keep in mind that the unexpected event is what I am meant to experience. Anxious feelings about all the work I am not getting done are relieved with the thought that I am getting the current task done. The Byrd’s sang it beautifully To everything turn, turn, turn There is a season turn, turn, turn And a time to every purpose under heaven Another source for learning how to be present is by listening to my favorite Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron ~ True Happiness cds. She translates the Buddhist teachings into easy to understand teachings. Try to be present as you move through your day. Stress and worry will reduce over time.

Still going strong

2009-04-19T19:37:00.003-04:00

Eating healthy and exercising are still producing positive health results. I continue to increase my activity and enjoy it very much. I am adding meditation to assist with stress and anxiety reduction. Journaling is another tool to support the daily progress. The economic condition is adding stress to life. Having lost all investment gains from the past tens years is hard to take. Will we make this money back in the next ten years? Will we be able to retire and enjoy like without working? These questions are generating a daily mantra ~ live today as a retiree, there may not be a tomorrow, all we have is this moment in time. Journal the intentions for the day. What will this day provide. How will I show up for the day? Be true to yourself. Be yourself in every moment. Don't allow the moment, the people and their issues take you away form who you are. One day at a time, one moment at a time. This is how to creating the life you want.

Younger, Healthier, Fitter than Last year

2009-01-31T18:15:00.005-05:00

It is all about figuring out what I wanted out of life.

I wanted to live a full, varied and active life.

I see myself living into the 100's and began to take steps to make that happen. I want to be active and engaged in life until I leave my body behind. Last January, I read the book younger next year. This enlightened me to the fact that our human bodies need to move every day. I am martial artist and I have been training four times a week. After reading this book I raised the bar to exercise 6 days a week. I worked on figuring out what other exercises I liked to do for the other 2 days. I started with walking and hiking. When the summer came I found swimming. Now I swim 2 to 3 days a week. The exercise was not helping me lose weight though. I was just maintaining it. Younger next year also talked about food. And it started me on a path to find out what I needed to change. I felt tired, had headaches and my mind was foggy. I thought it had something to do with caffeine so I eliminated it from my diet, only to return to it again. I tired to eliminate sweets only to break down and eat a ton of sweets. The food thing just wasn't working for me. I hated food and I was beginning to resign to the fact that I may be at my body's natural weight. I did not want to continue to feel tired, have headaches and a foggy mind because it did not live up to my desire to live a full, varied and active life

I read about the Institute for Integrated Nutrition (IIN) and thought about taking their course. Unfortunately, I was unable to afford it. I signed up for IIN's newsletter figuring I would learn something from it. The August newsletter had a write up about a nutritionist in NYC ~ Health and the City. I really liked her story and the fact that she is a 2nd degree black belt. I thought she would be able to help me best because she knew what it takes to train in martial arts. We started working together and the weight just melted off my body. I knew I finally found my answer after years of weight watchers or trying it on my own.

I ended the year 2008 3 lbs lighter than 2007. In previous years, I gained at least 5 lbs! It is now the end of January and I am down another two lbs! This in itself is huge because I am an Accountant and January is when we are closing the financials for the year. We work late and order food in. I usually feel tired, bloated and sick at the end of January. Learning about food and its effects on the body enabled me to make healthy choices and stay true to myself and my goal to live a full, active and varied life. I am starting this year feeling energized, healthy fit and lighter. I love the food I eat. I have sweets or alcohol when I want them not when I crave them. I am cooking and baking more than I did before. And I am enjoying it so much.

I set goals for this year that are reachable and measurable.

I am excited to see myself at the end of next year~ younger, healthier and fitter than this year!

Menstrual cycle and nutrition

2008-12-21T09:55:00.003-05:00

Menstrual cycle may be the cause of poor nutrition and weight gain. The change in hormone levels may cause us to have a change in attitude towards how well we take care of our bodies. This may lead us to eat food with low to no nutritional value, thereby causing weight gain. Start a journal to monitor your cycle, weight, personality changes, feelings and food/drink intake: Monitor your menstrual cycle and look for changes in your personality as a sign that your hormones are changing. Once you see this change happening, check what your weight is at this time and monitor the food and drink you intake. After you have past your cycle, take a look at what you wrote in your journal. What have you learned? What pattern do you see? Use this information for the next month. Make the changes needed to eat and act healthy. What I have learned is that the cravings I experience are not for ice cream, cookies and candy but for slowing down, resting and making time for me and my interests. Hunger is not always hunger for food but for silence and reflection. I found support for these findings in an Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth. Within this book he speaks of the power of woman because of their ability to give life which is the function of the menstruation. And this ability to give life comes from “being energy: Excerpts from A New Earth Being energy comprises of “surrender, nonjudgement, an openness that allows life to be instead of resisting it, the capacity to hold all things in the loving embrace of your knowing. Being energy is soft and yielding and yes infinitely more powerful than mind. Being is in charge of all life on our planet and beyond. Being is the very intelligence whose visible manifestation is the physical universe.” Eckhart advises: “when you know that the menstrual flow is approaching, before you feel the first signs of what is commonly called premenstrual tension, the awakening of collective female pain body, become very alert and inhabit your body as fully as possible. When the first sign appears, you need to be alert enough to “catch” it before it takes you over. For example, the first sign may be a sudden strong irritation or flash of anger, or it may be purely a physical symptom. Whatever it is, catch it before is can take over your thinking or behavior. This simply means puting the spotlight of your attention on it. If it is an emotion, feel the strong energy charge behind it. At the same time, be aware of your conscious presence and feel its power. Any emotion that you take your presence into will quickly subside and become transmuted." Work in this way until you have mastered PMS. It will take awhile. Keep perspective and humor, ‘cause once we master this we will have menopause and other aging changes to work with! A thought to share: This current situation is temporary Be awake in it Learn from it For it is preparing you For the next situation

Substitution vs. Elimination

2008-11-23T08:46:00.004-05:00

Diets ask the dieter to eliminate foods. This leads to a feeling a deprivation and then bingeing. How about substituting foods for healthier versions? Here are some examples: Gatorade contains high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) Substitute; Water Flavored water Natural juices Smoothies Desserts contains large amounts of sugar and fat Substitute; Smoothies Larabars Nuts Fruit Smoothie recipe; Banana Berry Add ice, banana, frozen berries in blender with soy milk or water. Blend until ice is chopped Banana Chocolate Add ice, banana, unsweetened cocoa in blender with soy milk or water. Blend until ice is chopped Add agave nectar as a sweetener if desired. Agave nectar is a natural sweetener that has a low glycemic index. It can be found in health food stores. Larabars are natural energy snacks or they could be used as an on the go meal. Both the agave nectar and the Larabars can be found at the Vitamin Shoppe. htt p://www.vitaminshoppe.com/

3500 Calories = 1pound of fat

It all depends how you look at it: Add 3500 calories to your diet per week and you will gain one pound of fat. Reduce 3500 calories from your diet per week and you will lose one pound of fat.

3500 calories divided by 7 days is 500 calories per day. Reduce 500 calories per day and lose one pound of fat per week. Burn 500 calories per day and lose one pound of fat per week.

Look to substitute high caloric foods with lower caloric foods. And pay attention to the ingredients. Get as natural as possible. Try to stay away from processed foods with long ingredients that sound like a science project! Nutrition informtion source Jennifer Cassetta at http://www.healthandthecity.net/blog/

Nutrition News

2008-10-26T16:58:00.005-04:00

High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) is manufactured sugar and is not good for the human body. Rats fed a diet containing HFCS had livers similar to alcoholics. High Fructose corn syrup was manufactured at a time when it was very costly to use cane sugar. Thus it became the low cost alternative in food manufacturing. And remains so today despite to lowered cost of cane sugar. Check it out for yourself. Read the ingredients of the foods you consume. Work to substitute HFCS with more natural sources of sugar. The result will be providing your body with a cleaner energy source which will actually give you more energy and better health because your liver will not be working so hard to filter the HFCS out of your system. Cleaner sugars are: Honey Maple Syrup Agave Nectar Fruits

Glycemic index (GI) Have you ever felt tired in the afternoon around Two or Three PM and reached for some sugary snacks to get a boost? Pay attention to what you are eating at lunch time. The glycemic index rates foods on how they effect the body’s blood sugar level. White rice, flour and potatoes have a glycemic index of 100. This means they rapidly spike the blood sugar to very high levels. The body in turn tries to level out the blood sugar levels which creates a rapid decrease to the blood sugar level. Thereby making us very sleepy in the afternoon. Try to eat low glycemic foods and see the difference.

Classification GI range Examples Low GI 55 or less most fruit and vegetables (except potatoes, watermelon), grainy breads, pasta, legumes/pulses, milk, products extremely low in carbohydrates (fish, eggs, meat, nuts, oils) Medium GI 56 - 69 whole wheat products, brown rice, basmati rice, orange sweet potato, table sugar High GI 70 - 99 corn flakes, baked potato, watermelon, some white rices (eg. jasmine), croissant, white bread, candy 100 straight glucose—HFCS Check out this site for help food guidelines: http://www.mypyramid.gov

DMV - moving bodies through the system

2008-08-20T10:22:00.004-04:00

I was one of those bodies moved through the DMV system. We have a 16 year old who is eligible for a driving permit. He failed the drivers test he took in his divers ed class. I researched what to do at the DMV website so we would be fully prepared. We get to the DMV at 8 AM and wait on line until we get to the entrance. Then we are directed to the drivers test room. We wait on line to be told we have to purchase a permit at the front desk. At the front desk, we are handed a form to fill out and told to follow the green line. We wait on line again to be told that he has to go through a driver program with a certified driving school. How come we were not told at step one? I told the same story to each of the DMV employees: My son took the drivers test in school and failed. He is here to take the test again. The DMV employees were successful at getting our bodies through the system. And they failed to create a satisfied customer. An hour later I read an article in the local newspaper about a woman whose car failed at the inspection station and she had a hard time getting the DMV employee to tell her what the problem is with her car so she can get it fixed! She resorted to asking how she could explain the failure to her husband. He gave her all the information she needed AND where to get the parts!!! To all the DMV employees out there: You know your job very well. The rest of the population is clueless and we need your expertise to get through the system. Please help us become satisfied customers.

Olympiac -2

2008-08-18T09:46:00.003-04:00

How much is enough? Michael Phelps- Most people are satisfied with one medal. How about giving someone else the chance to win something? Greed and ego feed is not healthy. I hope the media continues to watch this young man to see what he does with his life. Will he share his passion with others and teach them how to be the best person they can be? We need more of that in the world. And please don't compare Phelps accomplishments with Mark Spitz. The technology and knowledge of 1972 was very different from today. Could Phelps accomplish his gold winnings if he had the environment that Spitz had? Tiger Woods- Another example of greed and ego feed. How many tournaments is enough? How do the other golfers really feel about Tiger? Farve fever- This is the most ridiculous thing ever. The guy retires and then wants to play. Media attention must have been lack luster in retirement. Well now he is the center of every one's attention. How much is enough?

Olympiacs

2008-08-17T22:09:00.000-04:00

Yes, Olympiacs - not a mis spelling. These athletes have given every thing to their sport. Only a few get to the podium to receive medals. What happens to all the others? Where are they? Have they given up on their dream of being the best in their field? Let's hear from you. I am very interested in your story.